I was under the impression that with age comes wisdom and insight…or at least that is what is said. I reckon that in the past 30 years I have gained experience and with that somewhat wisdom, but as soon as I think I have learnt something, the world changes and by doing so declares my new found knowledge null and void. I was in the company of a few girls enjoying a well deserved cocktail at News Café Menlyn when the conversation steered in the direction of relationships (which it usually does). I am aware that men find it almost impossible to understand why woman constantly feel the urge to discuss every single detail of their relationships with each other (yes, EVERY DETAIL). Even I don't have the answer to that. Perhaps we do it with hidden agenda's? Maybe we are secretly hoping that other girls are experiencing the same type of difficulties or better, even worse complexities in their relationships, leaving us feeling relieved and more positive about our own situation.

I have noticed that married women are the worst. Almost all of them have managed to marry some kind of idiot. Hopefully by the time I get married, all the idiots will have been snatched up by the "eager to marry" girls and I will be left with Mr. Wonderful. (I chuckle at the thought of this but am sure that many of you share my sentiment). The one thing that is a bonus about being married is that you can be sure of your relationship status. I know that it sounds like I am stating the obvious, but I am not. Allow me to explain. As far as I was concerned, the term relationship status only had the following sub categories: Married, Dating and single. Home Affairs goes as far as to give you the options of being Married, Single, Divorced, Widowed or Living together (a.k.a. dating I suppose). I was dumb struck when the girls around the table started to discuss their relationship statuses and their understanding thereof, unveiling a completely new and confusing, may I add, meaning to this once simple concept.

I am proud (or perhaps not at all) to bring to you Amber's list of relationship statuses as compiled in the year 2010:

• Seeing each other
• Together and exclusive
• Together but not exclusive (a.k.a. single)
• Dating but not committed
• Dating and committed
• Single
• Married
• Engaged to be married
• Engaged for the meantime due to an ultimatum

I sincerely hope that you are just as confused as I was. What is shocking to me now as I look back, is that even I have been involved in at least 4 of the relationships mentioned above…I just didn't have a name for it. Let me unpack the meanings of the above mentioned to ensure that we are all rocking the same boat.

Seeing each other basically entails that you have no commitment whatsoever towards each other. You see each other on a casual basis and usually (always) there is some form of intimacy. For people choosing the wonder world of being single but find themselves longing for some one to hold every now and again, this is apparently the way to go.

Together and exclusive is a tricky one. I am not sure if I understand this concept fully, but as I see it, there are feelings more than friendship or just pure lust. Your relationship is not official but you are also not dating/seeing (so confusing!!) other people. I think that it is safe to say that at this point the two parties have some sort of commitment and responsibility toward each other. Together and exclusive, in some cases, serves as the build up to an official relationship. I hate to say this, but it reminds me of a test drive.

Together but not exclusive is the grey period so many people adore! You are seeing each other, have all the benefits of having some one when loneliness or a lack of intimacy sets in but have none of the admin. You don't have to say where you are going, whom you are going with or when you will be calling again. In such a case one party is usually still living La Vida Loca while the other party is madly in love, thus tolerating such bad behaviour. Not my favourite relationship status and hopefully not yours either. Kick Mr. Grey Area to the curb.

Dating but not committed is a term to describe all the cheating pricks. Hope I wasn't too vague on this one.

Dating and committed. At last, a term we all understand! This is the way it was intended to be. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl to be his girlfriend. This means that you don't only get to see him at your house after 12 pm but you get to meet his friends and hold his hand in public.

I am going to skip over single, married and engaged to be married, because I believe it is still old school and self-explanatory. Which interests me is the engaged for the meantime due to an ultimatum. Although I know of a few rare cases where the guy placed tons of pressure on the girl to marry him, this type of behaviour is usually common amongst the fairer sex. I DO NOT GET THESE GIRLS. If a guy is not asking you to get married after a fair amount of dating, he obviously doesn't want to marry you. I am not even open for discussion on this topic. Perhaps there is one or two very rare cases where the guy had an extreme case of commitment phobia and his parents got divorced and his hamster died when he was 6. But I live by this one rule: You are not the exception, you are the rule…and the rule says that he is just not that into you if he is not asking you for your hand in marriage.

I have a classic story that I can't wait to share. This just illustrates how different men think to women. A while ago I went to a very beautiful town with a few friends as well as one little more special one. We were sitting outside drinking very good wine (thank you for that!) when I said to him: "this is such a beautiful and romantic place, I am sure that it has special powers to inspire one to just drop to your knee." I of course implied that, if not careful, the ambiance of this special place might inspire a guy to ask a girl to marry him (not implying us at all…just in general). I looked over to him and for a moment he looked all puppy eyed; even a bit in love. Then he smiled eagerly and with anticipation in his voice replied: "Wow, that will be awesome, thank you." I rest my case.

I know that life changes. This world we are living in is evolving daily and that what used to be the norm is not anymore. Perhaps that is why it is said that the only certainty in life is change. I choose to be old fashioned and to believe in only 3 relationship statuses: single, married or dating. You are either in a proper relationship or you are not in one at all – it doesn't matter how you try and justify it. I suggest that you find yourself a partner who's hamster did not die when he was six or at least one that got over it, because you deserve it. Set your worth and don't settle for anything less.

Love, Amber x