Approximately 365 days ago, myself and a bunch of my girlfriends, were having lunch, sipping cocktails and babbling about our love lives (or the lack thereof) when it dawned on me that what we were experiencing and enduring was not special or unique in any way.  We were just four girls talking about the exact same topic discussed around lunch tables across the world:  Love.  Amber was born on that day and I am proud to say that she is turning one year old this month. Go on and pop a bottle of Veuve Clicqout, pour yourself and your best friends a glass and drink a toast to me, you and to the millions of women across the globe who experience the same emotions, trials and tribulations that we do.  Although we may all be packaged differently, on the inside we are not that different at all.

2010 has been a tough year for me. I have managed to lose right about everything in my life that I held dear to my heart at one point of time.  A few of these include, losing my business (hence the loss of income, hence the loss of lifestyle).  I lost my passion, my ambition and that “thing” which make you want to get out of bed in the morning.  I lost friends (who turned out never to have been my true friends at all) I lost self-discipline, self-worth and all my morals.  I lost ME.

Reflecting on my year was a painful experience.  There was only one, very profound question I asked myself:  “How did I manage to lose myself?” How does one lose your essence and beliefs?  My essence used to be my passion and determination to conquer and achieve.  In true human form, I did the obvious thing and I shifted the blame to someone else.  In my case I blamed my ex-boyfriend.  I gave him my all, my love, my thoughts, my soul and ultimately myself.  As you know, he repaid me by cheating on me constantly, stripping me of every grain of self-belief and self-confidence that I had carefully gathered and treasured for many years.  He still had a great job and was still living in the beautiful house I once called home, with his beautiful wife whom he married at their picture perfect wedding in the Spring of 2010.  On the flip side, I was unemployed, thirty years old, living with my parents and flat on life, filled with nothing but emptiness and a lost, insecure soul.

If you have been a friend of Amber for the last year, you might recall an incident I mentioned where I sat on the beach in Mozambique and wrote my dreams in the sand at the end of December 2009.  On 31 December 2010 I found myself reliving that exact same moment, only this time I was lying in my bed, face down on a pillow covered in sorrow and regret.  Then something so liberating and profound happened. I heard a “voice” loud and clear in my head.  The words were tough but sweet as honey:  “Who made the choice?” The words echoed through my body.  I couldn’t bear lying to myself for another minute.  I was the creator of my own unhappiness and sorrow.  It was I who chose to stay in a destructive and abusive relationship.  I chose not to get out of bed and pursue my dreams and goals.  I chose to drink bottle upon bottle of wine in an attempt to drown my heartache and low self-esteem.  It was I.  It was only I.

It’s convenient to shift the blame, isn’t it?  It exempts you of all responsibility and accountability but it also robs you of your own inner power.  For four years I chose to be the victim and I reveled in it.  I owned the term “Psychic Vampire” for I drained my friends, family but most importantly myself psychologically, and worst of all, I did it by myself on purpose.  It was there in my bed of sorrows that I made the choice to be done with it.  To be done with the baggage and to stop drinking from the cup filled with poison from the past.  I chose to stop my self-pity and to choose life.  It is funny how cloudy things get when we complicate it with excuses.  Once you let the light of truth shine through, darkness flees and simplicity victors.

The time is now, my dear friends.  Don’t waste another beautiful, prosperous year drinking poison from the past.  When we were little girls crying over spilt milk, our mothers would let us mourn for a bit and when she felt it was enough, she would order us to STOP crying; and we would.  I am telling you to STOP crying; please choose to do so.  I am ordering you to go and conquer and achieve!  I am ordering you to adjust your attitude, for your attitude will determine your altitude.  I am ordering you to speak words of life upon your own life (and the lives of others) and to believe that you are blessed!  I am ordering you to not hope, but to believe!

While I was preparing for this article, I suddenly realized that all the things I prayed for on that beach in Mozambique have manifested in my life.  I asked for love; I found it.  I asked for passion and a new direction in my career; I have kick started my old Events Company and am living my passion once again and doing what I so dearly love.  I asked to be active; I will be attending my 2nd golf lesson this afternoon.  I asked for a love of God; and He has blown life, peace and love into a new, revived, more mature me, and I asked for independence; I have moved in to a beautiful house which I share with my best friend.

I believe that true happiness is a choice, which is attained by making good decisions consecutively and constantly.  If you don’t know where to begin, start by making a good, conservative choice…one by one. Keep it simple and remember to keep your eyes open, allowing them to observe when you have conquered, for celebration will definitely be required!

2011 is the year where you will look to the future with optimism, positivity, purpose and intent!  You WILL flourish and prosper financially and spiritually!  You will find love, you will find peace, you will find your purpose, but most of all, you will find yourself!

Live life…again!
Love,
Amber
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